This blog has now reached it's end. The American Adventure has finished. Will there be a sequel in the near future? One will never know, but for now let's let the credits roll...

Monday, August 30, 2010

Chapter slomo

It's a classic scene. By some inevitable circumstance you find yourself stuck in slow motion. The world moves by a lot slower than it normally does, sometimes slowing down to a crawl. You can see every eye turn your direction slowly and some mouths open in slowed down gasps of horror.

The world tilts slightly. Everything starts to go out of shape. Yet your consciousness perceives the world normally. Your hand loses it's grip and you notice the million seconds it takes for that to happen. Your foot loses contact with the ground. You know what's coming. You can feel it. You can see it happening, but there is nothing you can do about it.

Your body is frozen like the time. Your mind races to try and coax your now useless limbs into action. Something has to be done. You will your hands to move into position but they do nothing. They flail about like those whacky waving arm flailing inflatable tube men.

You see the floor closer than ever. The time passes so slowly that you can see every speck of dirt on the floor. You try and brace yourself for the inevitable. You know it's going to hurt.

Then the voice comes.

In slow motion.

'Ohhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!'

Or some vulgar variation.

And then you hit the floor. Stinging.

You know?

Well, none of that happened to me.

All that went through my head were two thoughts. Car door. Floor. That was it.

I had a spectacular bike crash yesterday on Hollywood Boulevard. I was riding on my side of the street when this parked car clearly didn't bother looking in his mirrors and flung his car door open. I smacked right into it. I was going at a good speed to.

See, none of that slow motion crap happened to me. All I know was the the interior of his door was orange, and I hit the floor pretty bad. I landed on my back, which makes me inclined to believe I performed a spectacular cartwheel. I have no clue which way I tumbled but looking at the damage done to the fella's car, it had to be amazing.

I was almost completely unhurt save for some scratches on my pinky and my chest. No bruises, no aches in the morning, nothing. The bike came away unharmed too. Which is quite miraculous because the car door was a total wreck. It could barely close properly. I bet if I had put in a little more speed I could have taken the door off. And that would be even more awesome.

See this is how my brain works. After the crash only one thought repeated itself in my mind. Not 'I'm safe, thank God' which should have been it. Not 'oh crap, oh crap, oh crap,' which most people encounter.

No, the thought in my head was 'at least I wrecked his door.'

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